Going to see big, dramatic, war-mongering movies with
Meg is turning into something of a habit, and one that can't be fun for the people around us, as we mock
with vigor and volume.
Last time it was
Return of the King, which we both loved, but when the king (Denethor? Is that his name? I'm so
not an LOTR geek.) threw himself from Minas Tirith in a swirl of flame and insanity - surely meant to be a distressing moment
of tragedy and grief - Meg leaned over and whispered, "Maybe he'll fall on an Orc!"
Last night it was
Troy. Going to a preview is always better, for me at least, than going on a regular Friday
night of open release - not because you're with literati, but because you're not with people who will cheer on an equal level
with the amount of gore presented. Seeing Brad Pitt in a skirt is not the main attraction for most of the attendees, and I
find that a better viewing crowd, just as I would find a crowd of just upper-echelon critics oppressive and stuffy.
(
There are mild spoilers within, but come on, you know the story.)
The gigantic midtown theater was packed with press, and by the end of the movie Meg and I were not the only ones
laughing. Oh, the movie was not awful - it had its grandeur, and its moments of triumph, and the
scenery steals the
entire film. The battle scenes disengaged me; I've seen too much of it, and these battle scenes showed nothing new or too
worthy of interest for me, save for one mano-a-mano battle that's a centerpiece of the film and a pretty good one at that.
Eric Bana as Hector is suprisingly convincing and charming and Sean Bean as Odysseus gave me a new appreciation for a men with
curly hair and
sotto voce. But Brad Pitt in a skirt will always be Brad Pitt in a skirt, no matter how much he puffs
out his thick bottom lip and clenches a battle-dirty jaw, and it's terribly distracting, the way the movie tries for this
Grand Embattled Tortured Dramatic Hero Who We Really Don't Think You Should Root For, But Why Not, Because He's So Cute...and
ends up with a cute guy in a skirt screamin' for Hector like Stan did for Stella - or maybe more appropriately, Rocky did for
Adrian.
But the funny parts...oh, the funny parts. Like when Orlando Bloom makes that puppy face that was rare enough to be
charming in LOTR, but is frequent enough in
Troy to be an annoyance. To Bloom's credit, though, neither Meg nor I
thought he was So Legolas that it took away from the film. He's become what we should have known he'd become - a paper doll
romantic lead, and a namby one at that. When Helen is stitching up his wound after he scurried away from a fight like a
trapped animal and clung to his brother's leg like a toddler, he says, "You think I'm a coward," and it's such a "NO DUH"
moment that the audience erupted.
Or later still, when in the midst of battle someone shouts (presumably referring to the Greeks battling down a door)
"Let's make them wait a little longer!" and is greeted with a rousing shout - about
one second later the door bursts
open. It's like, "Well, that was long enough then, was it? All right. Time to fight."
But perhaps the best was when the Trojans attacked the camp on the beach, and sent great big balls of twigs or something
like that rolling down the hill into fiery spears...turning them into great balls of fire. While I was thinking Little
Richard, Meg was thinking Eddie Izzard, and leaned over and whispered, "Big f--- all balls of string!" (which isn't something
Izzard has said but really
sounds like something he'd say) and I cried with laughter.
All in all sorta worth it, and it will make a lot of money, and hey, features Brad Pitt in a skirt. And big giant balls
of string that call Eddie Izzard to mind. Hey, that alone is worth admission.
