My relationship with the NY Post has been spotty at best - at times I hate its less-than-realistic attitude toward truth, its glaring breaches of human decency, and the joy it takes in wallowing in the lowest human element.
And it implied I was socially awkward, in a centerfold piece that is haunting my very existence. So, OK, I have a bit of a beef.
But, there are times, like today, I am just glad it exists. If this cover doesn't make you laugh, no matter what party you're a part of, you might be dead.
The tabloids today also wrapped up all the funnies the late-night talking heads made on the Cheney thing, and it made for a hilarious ten minutes of my life. So here's a recap for you, in case you missed it:
From random web spots:"I tawt I taw a Democwat!""Guns don't shoot people. The vice president shoots people."
"Pull! Oh...that was the last lawyer?"
Jay Leno:
"When the ambulance got there, out of force of habit, they put Cheney on the stretcher.""When people found out he shot a lawyer his popularity is now at 92%"
"I think Cheney is starting to lose it. After he shot the guy he screamed, 'Anyone else want to call domestic wiretapping illegal?'"
"Cheney's defense is tha the was aiming at a quail when he shot the guy. Which means that Cheney now has the worst aim of anyone in the White House since Bill Clinton."
David Letterman:
"Good news, ladies and gentlemen! We have finally located weapons of mass destruction... It's Dick Cheney.""The guy who got gunned down is a Republican lawyer and a big Republican donor and fortunately the buck shot was deflected by wads of laundered cash. So he's fine. He took a little in the wallet."
"So over the weekend the vice president wants to go bird hunting, quail huting or duck hunting or something like that and you know horseplay, how that breaks out when you are out there hunting. ... One things leads ot another and he shoots his buddy ... but here is the sad part - before the trip, Donald Rumsfeld had denied the guy's request for body armor."
"We can't get bin Laden, but we nailed a 78-year-old attorney."
"Honestly, I don't know what all of the fuss is about. What's more American than shooting your hunting buddy in theh a--?"
Jon Stewart:
Stewart: "I am joined now by our own vice prsidential firearms mishap expert, Rob Corddry. Rob, obviously a very unfortunate situation. How is the vice president handling it?Rob Corddry: "Jon, tonight the vice president is standing by his decision to shoot Harry Whittington. According to the best intelligence available, there were quail hidden in the brush. Everyone believed at the time there were quail in the brush.
"And while the quail turned out to be a 78-year-old man, even knowing that today, Mr. Cheney insists he still would have shot Mr. Whittington in the face. He believes the world is a better place for his spreading buckshot throughout the entire region of Mr. Whittington's face."
JS: "But why, Rob? If he had known Mr. Whittington was not a bird, why would he still have shot him?"
RC: "Jon, in a post-9-11 world, the American people expect their leaders to be decisive. To not have shot his friend in the face would have sent a message to the quail that America is weak."
JS: "That's horrible."
RC: "Look, the mere fact that we're even talking about how the vice president drives up with his rich friends in cars to shoot farm-raised wingless quail-tards is letting the quail know 'how' we're hunting them. I'm sure right now those birds are laughing at us in that little 'covey' of theirs.
JS: "I'm not sure birds can laugh, Rob."
RC: "Well, whatever it is they do ... coo .. they're cooing at us right now, Jon, because here we are talking openly about our plans to hunt them. Jig is up. Quails one, America zero.
JS: "Okay, well, on a purely human level, is the vice president at least sorry?"
RC: "Jon, what difference does it make? The bullets are already in this man's face. Let's move forward across party lines as a people ... to get him some sort of mask."
And on the way to work this morning, my local "zoo" radio station played, you got it, "Cheney's Got A Gun," a parody that should require you pull over before you listen.
Yeah, it's all funny, except for the guy who was shot - but still, this nation's ability to take misfortune and make it camp is just astounding - and I for one ain't complainin'.
Teeheehee. Those jokes made me laugh so hard. I usually don't get the chance to watch Leno or Letterman much anymore, I’m so glad you posted them! John Stewart is fab! I must remember to try and watch now when there are stories out there with such potential hilarity attached to them. :)
I agree, the NY Post's article with its somewhat ignorant undertone of ‘HP fans being trekkies’ would be something to start a beef about. I don’t blame you at all.
I’m glad you’re posting again, keep it up. I love it!
Happy Valentines!
From,
Edward
XOXO
lol, my side hurts a little. The treckie comment DID irk.
Happy Valentines day!
The really bizzare thing about this around my neck-o-the-woods is that a lot of kids and faculty at my school know Mr. Whittington - his wife used to be on the board of trustees! (Once kid's IM away message said, "I know the guy Cheney shot. How weird is that?")
My fave Jon Stewart line: "If you have children, please, tell them: Do not go hunting with Dick Cheney."
Oh yes, we're all "socially awkward", heh whatever. At least we know how to have fun. As I said before, the woman who wrote that article is Delusional.
Well, I thought Bush was stupid, Cheney has taken stupidity to a whole other level.
L.J
I don't think I've laughed this hard in weeks.
I'm sure even the guy Cheney shot has to have found some humor in it--although he IS a lawyer, so maybe not. Wonder if he'll sue?
Wow, that is funny
Yes, that is what America is proud of, its spoofs =D
Oh, you're not the only one -- WKRZ around here had Cheney's Got A Gun on too. I haven't heard it but it was quite the buzz around the building yesterday o.O
I heard Cheney's Got a Gun- I was lmao. I also some of those jokes on the tonight shows and stuff. It's really sad that he got shot but this is all hilarious.
Melissa, you take AMAZING!!! pictures!
HILARIOUS!
Mike Furir Mike 722
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