staten island advance.

survivor: captains acting like cowards.
amputee has grown weary of waiting for explanations of what happened to barberi.
11.6.2003

Paul Esposito, the 24-year-old Meiers Corners resident who lost both his legs above the knee after the Oct. 15 ferry crash, is tired of waiting for answers.

Speaking yesterday from his bed at Staten Island University Hospital, Ocean Breeze, Esposito said it's time for the captains of the boat to stop acting cowardly.

"How come they can't build up the courage to let us know what happened?" he asked. "We all deserve to know what happened that day - why I'm lying here with no legs today."

Capt. Michael Gansas, who was said to be outside the pilothouse when the boat slammed into a concrete pier, killing 10 and injuring 72, has thus far refused to comment about the crash. He agreed to appear before investigators today, but his lawyers claim a stress disorder has left him too traumatized to speak about the accident.

"He can't possibly be too traumatized," Esposito said. "I have no problem speaking and I think I've been through a lot more than he has. I've had to accept that at 24 years old, I'm never going to walk on my own legs again - they're gone. Him? Not so much."

Esposito's father, a sergeant with the Triborough Bridge and Tunnel Authority, said he was confounded by the situation.

"The men who are supposed to be icons of responsibility, when they refuse to come forward ... I can't understand it. It doesn't make sense," he said.

Esposito was on his way home from work as a waiter in Manhattan on the day of the crash. He had been walking downstairs on the ferry, hoping to get outside to take pictures, when he sensed danger and doublebacked.

He only made it halfway back up the stairs when he was injured. He ended up crawling to semi-safety, propping his head against the remains of a plastic chair and begging for help, feebly holding out his arms to passersby.

"Nobody would help me," he said. "Nobody would come near me at all."

The ferry crew did not assist him, he said.

Only Kerry Griffiths, a British nurse who was visiting New York, asked if he wanted help.

"I said, 'Yep, you can, come on over!' " Esposito joked.

Ms. Griffiths put a belt on his legs to stop the bleeding.

"She saved my life. There's no doubt about it," he said. Esposito has spent the last three weeks in varying bouts of pain. Until this week, there were patches of raw nerve under his bandages, making cleansing his wounds an excruciating experience.

Last week, doctors cut through more bone to remove the remainders of his knees and performed skin grafts.

"I think he's got good stuff in there," said Dr. Armen Kasabian, Esposito's surgeon and chief of plastic surgery for University Hospital. Dr. Kasabian told Esposito he was going to try and get him moving and out of bed soon.

Esposito hopes to get into physical therapy in as little as a month.

While Esposito says he's heartened by the knowledge that he'll eventually walk on prosthetic limbs, he says he's more interested in why that's even necessary.

"Just give it to us straight," he implored the ship's captains. "Honestly. I just want the truth. I think I deserve it at this point."